By: Alexander Jones
As I approach my final semester at Juilliard, I am met with a myriad of memories, thoughts, and feelings - caught somewhere between reflection on three and a half life changing years, confusion about my future, and excitement for the journey ahead. Now, faced with only a few months left until graduation, I am left to wander in astonishment at the speed at which time has passed, but as I look back at the person I was when I entered the program, it feels like a lifetime ago. I know with absolute certainty that the lessons I have learned and the wisdom I have gained during this experience will continue to have a profound affect on my life for years and decades to come.
My road as a dancer here has been far from easy. My first semester was packed full of physical injuries, heartbreak and loss of inspiration that sent my confidence and skill level plummeting in a downward spiral which I am only now starting to recover from. Lost, and deeply confused, I turned a blind eye to my suffering body and gradually shifted my focus into other areas of interest: piano, composition, collaborative, multi-disciplinary creation/performance, writing, and , eventually, astrophysics, particle physics, and cosmology.
My road as a dancer here has been far from easy. My first semester was packed full of physical injuries, heartbreak and loss of inspiration that sent my confidence and skill level plummeting in a downward spiral which I am only now starting to recover from. Lost, and deeply confused, I turned a blind eye to my suffering body and gradually shifted my focus into other areas of interest: piano, composition, collaborative, multi-disciplinary creation/performance, writing, and , eventually, astrophysics, particle physics, and cosmology.
By the end of the first semester of my third year I had developed an enormous body of work as a composer, begun the process of building a multidisciplinary, collaborative arts collective with a close friend and classmate and the mentorship of President Polisi, and was spending my time outside of class doing intense research into bold questions about the nature of time, space, the universe, and human consciousness. I was not sleeping or eating very well and was generally in a very poor state of health. My work as a dancer suffered tremendously and my faculty was left concerned and confused at best. During my second semester, I started experiencing frequent waves of intense and chaotic emotions as well as euphoric out -of - body experiences followed by long states of depression. During this time I lost the majority of my major cognitive functions including my short term memory, my ability to focus, and to communicate with clarity. Despite my efforts to regain command of my mind and body, my symptoms worsened over the course of time and eventually landed me in an emergency psychiatric facility after a particularly un grounding experience during which I lost sensation in my body, was hearing voices and listening to them. I was subsequently diagnosed with Bi-Polar 1 disorder and was granted a short term medical leave this past November in order to begin my recovery process.
Since then, I have embarked on a healing journey, discovering the intricacies of my body, mind, and central nervous system and slowly re-entering into the practicalities of every day life. My passion for movement has returned and an urgency to tell my story has emerged from somewhere deep within me. As I prepare for my final semester mentally, physically, and emotionally I hold this new source of inspiration close to me, challenged with the immense task of patience as my body and mind re-arrange themselves into an optimum performance state.
Looking forward, I know I have a lot if hard work ahead as I begin a new, more honest journey into my craft as a mover, composer, and writer. I am simultaneously excited for the fresh start and overwhelmed with the possibilities for creative expression that lie before me. But I also know that I need to take things one step at a time and as I turn the page that begins this new chapter in my journey, I savor every millimeter of the paper as it passes between my fingers knowing that I will never experience this feeling again and that, in fact, this is always, ALWAYS true.
Since then, I have embarked on a healing journey, discovering the intricacies of my body, mind, and central nervous system and slowly re-entering into the practicalities of every day life. My passion for movement has returned and an urgency to tell my story has emerged from somewhere deep within me. As I prepare for my final semester mentally, physically, and emotionally I hold this new source of inspiration close to me, challenged with the immense task of patience as my body and mind re-arrange themselves into an optimum performance state.
Looking forward, I know I have a lot if hard work ahead as I begin a new, more honest journey into my craft as a mover, composer, and writer. I am simultaneously excited for the fresh start and overwhelmed with the possibilities for creative expression that lie before me. But I also know that I need to take things one step at a time and as I turn the page that begins this new chapter in my journey, I savor every millimeter of the paper as it passes between my fingers knowing that I will never experience this feeling again and that, in fact, this is always, ALWAYS true.